you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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