whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
