You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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