I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
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