I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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