i don't plan on having that self control this summer
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Randomize
