you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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