I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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