i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
