fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
