i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
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