I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
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