i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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