hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
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