I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
