I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
