dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Randomize
