I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize