Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Say something about gay babies.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Randomize
