just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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