You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Slut skills are useful in every country.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
You pole danced in your parka.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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