so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
