I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
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