dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
