billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
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