Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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