I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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