I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
so let's talk penis.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
