sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
