Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
