It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
