I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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