Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
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