who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Randomize
