yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
