Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
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