we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
