I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
