Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
