Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
