fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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