I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
