he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize