oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
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