Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Randomize
