I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Life without a bra equals bliss.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
