Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
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