I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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