I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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