I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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