so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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