No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
