Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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