I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
