I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize
