Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
