So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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