dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Randomize
