if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
