Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
