he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
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