well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
