You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
