Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
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