Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
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