Slut skills are useful in every country.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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