im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
