Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Randomize