I accidentally had phone sex last night
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
