I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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