After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
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