I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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