He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
