Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize
