I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
i wish my penis had a tongue
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
