There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Randomize
