literally had 100 drinks last night.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
