Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
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