My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Randomize