Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Randomize
