good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
