did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
party gras won. party gras always wins.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Randomize
