New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize