Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
two words...techno handjob
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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