waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
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