Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
