I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
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