Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
