There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Randomize
